I was waiting on a question.... I don't make these up myself, you know. That would be cheating... and I thought, well, hell, I'll just see what Dan Savage is answering on Savage Love. Maybe there is some advice I feel like weighing in on...
I picked this one:
STOP DOING THE DEVIL'S WORK! STOP BEING A TOOL OF SATAN! GO AND SIN NO MORE!
I saw your advice column and the "advice" that you gave is so
SATANIC it is EVIL unadulterated. I know you may think it is a joke,
but if you don't REPENT to the LORD JESUS CHRIST and ask him to take
away the "stony heart" and "wash your mind" and "sanctify your soul"
and "regenerate your spirit" you truly will spend ETERNITY with your
CURRENT MASTER SATAN. It is NOT because Jesus Christ does NOT love
you... He made a WAY OUT OF NO WAY so that you do not have to reap the
damnation of HELL or give SERVITUDE to your "ADVERSARY THE DEVIL." YOU
ARE BLIND. AND, JESUS CHRIST WANTS YOU TO ***SEE***. You may Laugh now.
But, I weep. I'm crying on the inside for you. You don't even realize
you are spreading WICKEDNESS.
________________________________________________________________________
I wish I'd get letters like these. Only Dan Savage and Jodi get the good stuff. I'm left to lust after HOT HOT HOT BUTTERY JESUS. I cuddle with the Dark Side and NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY CURDLING SOUL. Infact, I'm sure they worry more about SATAN. *** Oh well. I can admire from afar the artistry that is the Jesus Joneser:
Dear Dan Savage Emailer,
I love your enthusiasm and love of CAPSLOCK, double quotes and misplaced commas. Did you know that the ASTRIX is the Devil's punctuation? It IS! Dancing ASSHOLES through which to shit on your innocence. CAPSLOCK is a GATEWAY key...
Crying on the inside is just another way of saying Water Weight Gain. Try a diuretic.
I didn't know Wickedness came in a spread, but I'm glad to hear it.
Love,
Katy
Yeah, this one sort of sucked.....but hey, its your fault. Send me a question. I do better when I feel it.
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