ktccc

Why Can't We Call it....A Humping License?

Santorum (The man, not the frothy spooge) wants to incentivize marriage.  CAVEAT: Between a man and a woman.  Anything outside this will still send you to Satan's Hibachi, to be braised by heckling goats and people who writhed on a dancefloor until your skin pops.  And then some.
 
I need to hear the TERMS of this Incentivizing before I can get behind it. I'm pretty prolific in the marriage department.  This could be RIGHT UP MY ALLEY.  On my way out of number 3.  I want a frequency incentive.  I want a punchcard where the last one is FREE! I don't even have to DIVORCE him...we can just wake up one morning and say,

"Well."
"Yeah."
"Okay, then...I'll just grab my books and leave you with your fucking recycling.... and my mother's birddog."

OR: I'd like marriage licenses to be issued more like hunting licenses.  Every year you put in for what you want.  I'd like to marry someone who can cook this time.  Someone who will help me carry the television outside so we can smash it. Then we can watch netflix on one of our computer screens.  Because I'm also a hypocrite.

Or marriage could be like a DRIVER'S LICENSE that you renew if you want. Maybe you've just decided to start taking the bus. Or ride your bike more.

I want a transportation incentive. 

Two Tickets to Paradise...and some books, guns...

An Islamist insurgent-run radio station in Somalia says it is awarding guns, bombs and books to three children in a Quran recital contest, according to the Associated Press. 

Andulus radio station is run by an al-Qaida-linked militia and DOES NOT play top 40 hits or take requests.

The station announced Monday that the first prize winner in the contest received a rifle and $700, the second prize winner got a rifle and $500, and the third prize winner received two bombs. 

TWO BOMBS! An a VEST, I bet!

All three children also received religious books:

The Cat in the Hat Shoots Back

Are You My Mullah?

The Berestein Bears Are Jew Pigs of Satan

I tried to call in but the line was busy.  And I've never even SEEN the Quran.  But..what the hell...TWO BOMBS!! AND BOOKS!!

 

 

Saturday

Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement - (The Erotic Mind, Jack Someoneor'tother, didn't read it..but I might someday.  I LOVE math!!)

Distraction + Obstacles = Indictment - (The Plurotic Mind, Katy WhateverthefuckI'mCallingMyselfTheseDays, didn't write it, but I made up a word)

Abstraction = Attraction + Obstruction (NULL)

 

He's Pat

He's back. 

Giddyup

Fuck your Ford POS proletariat ride....

Cie said that she couldn't understand a word this guy is saying...and that the first time she listened to it she was surprised to see a horse...

Carlos concurred, "I have no idea what that is about...."

I thought it was funny. 

 

WWJD WSJ

Ricky Gervais on Why He Doesn't Believe in Any of the 2870 Gods

I don't either, but I've never said it so well.

(Well, maybe I believe in Ra a little....)

Tabernacle is Just Another Word for...

Nothing Left to Fuse

Gay, Alcoholic, Hung-over-and-looking-for-a-Good-Espresso Jesus Smites Mormons!!

Finally! Save PROVO from his CONTINUED WRATH! Erect a few hundred Dutch Brothers! He LOVES THE DUTCH!! WHO DOESN'T?! And do SOMETHING ABOUT THAT 3.2 shit! DOUBLE IT! IN HIS NAME! Tavernackle! 

 

Otter Pops

Carlos sent me this link.  I think he thought it was funny. OR maybe I'd come to my senses and quit keeping live pets.

Instead, I am THINKING LOCALLY AND ACTING GLOBALLY! AGAIN!!!

There are no Threatened Species! Just Wettened.  Endangered?  In Mangered if I have MY WAY!! New for Xmas! Rare animals freeze dried into nativities!  Safe forever through the miracle of Freeze Drying.   I think we need to stop worrying about extinction and start worrying about where we'll put all of them! 

Freezin's Greetin's

Reason is Bitter

I think Everything Happens for A Raisin is better.  It's what I chose to believe.  It's a lot of responsibility to pin on a has-been grape, something not everyone likes...but that small dried fruit deserves it's day in the sun with Everything. 

Capitalizing

I can make the best pie crust ever.  For the same reason I can drink almost anyone under the table.  Hillbilly ancestry.  The staples of a hillbilly diet are Alcohol, Flour and Shortning/lard.  I capitalize them because they are like proper nouns to me.

I hate thanksgiving. Really. Hate it.  Even the name pisses me off.  I do not capitalize it because it is really just glutiny in the name of rancid gratitude.  It's irony stuffed up a turkey's ass and then eaten until one is sick and cannot move.  I detest yams.  Cranberries will never out-sauce me at my table.  We should all have to spend the day at an indian casino and then lose 1/3 of our family to small pox. 

The term I learned over dinner the other night, that I love, is 'Mis-mated'.  My friend Susan threw it out there, referencing a dog whose pregnancy was terminated because she had 'Mis-mated'.  I love that.  I don't know why humans don't use it more. 

"I'm calling in sick today. Last week at Tequila Tuesday I Mis-mated." 

We should capitalilze on this term for sure.  It's cuter than 'accidentally fucked the Patron rep and I was ovulating'.

I'm so Thankful for new terms that pilgrimize our old way of thinking that Tonight I will make a Pie.