All I Need: 100 acres and some car seats

Eric doesn't believe that I truly want to live in the middle of no where with sheep.
"You don't even like sheep," he dithers, oblivious to the obvious.

No one likes sheep. They aren't put here for us to like. They didn't evolve a personality.  They evolved car seat fabrics and roast meat.   I'm a vegetarian, of course, except for sausage and bacon and an occasional steak.  And when someone gives me elk meat...  I love chicken! Still, I'm pretty strict about not eating hamburger or anything coyly described as 'fingers' or 'wings' when it was not anatomically possible for that species/menu item.

Did you know that cows don't breed naturally anymore? Farmer Brown (not his real name) sticks a long metal rod full of hastily thawed bull (hopefully) giz up ole Bessie's hoo haw.  70% of the time he misses and it dribbles wastefully into another orifice or pocket. (most times not his own). I just read and paraphrased this from the Internets.  It totally could ruin the Catholic church if this gets out.

Anyway, yeah. I'm looking up property in the hinterlands that includes acreage for my nonexistant sheep.
My dogs will love it.  I think I will love it. No neighbors. Solitude. I miss living where no one can hear you scream.  I will breed soft blankets and scratchy socks.  Better still, I will let them breed themselves!

I'm trying to write more.  I promise.  I've been busy running/biking/trying to eat less cheese and taking my dogs miles away to train on sheep. Plus, Cienna is home.   The worst though is that I don't have a laptop at home anymore. Eric took it with him this summer.  I feel like I'm living in the 1980's.  I miss my laptop so much sometimes it hurts like a metal rod in the wrong pocket.

Comments

[JimMA]

If you haven't read "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver, you really should.

It turns out turkeys can't, uh, reproduce by themselves anymore either. Hilarity ensues.

[Heydave]

So are you happy to see me or is that an impregnation rod?

[Tata]

So turkeys really aren't self-basting. Huh!