thestain

Designer Genes

I was just reading a study that found, basically, and paraphrasically, and madeupwordedly, that people who could imagine their own death prefer watching network television shows about angels and talking baby movies to science or reading books.   That people who believe in Intelligent Design are more likely to be talked in to eating anything you deep fry and/or cover in gravy then people who ask Where the Fuck does the Intelligent part come in? Really? We're God's Barbie Dream Planet? His Playdoh Factory? White God and his Sidekick Creamy Jesus exist in the Heavens and They Are Good, Don't Worry About Genocide and Horrible Natural Disaster, All That Suffering brought about by Justin Beiber and Famine and The Entire Middle East....God Has a Plan. A Good One.

Free Will my ass.  This is the direct result of all those Southern and Midwest particles crashing into eachother and making republicans who fuck up public education.  Yes! Simplified!

I'm in a bad mood.  I'm wearing pants I bought from a feed store. Really!  But I had no choice. We know that.

Kill Will

"The weight of such [psychological, as opposed to philosophical or scientific] evidence is best judged by carefully studying the various mental activities in which freedom is exercised. Amongst the chief of these are: voluntary attention, deliberation, choice, and sustained resistance to temptation." - The Great Debate: Determinism and Free Will,

"I didn't hear a word you said, I was playing hungry sharks on my iphone.  Don't fucking judge me until you can bend a spoon with your MIND....."- Me, yesterday during a meeting and most days during whatever.

I read a short article on Free Will VS Determinism in the NYTimes online yesterday, then I googled up a bunch more about it because that's ALSO what I do...and read enough to decide that I'm a DETERMINIST!!
OH HELL YES! You might have Free Will but I do not. 
I wish I wanted to kill someone to make it official, but that might be considered a paradox. 

I empirically reject Free Will! It's all Unicorns Farting Good Decisionmaking Flowcharts!
When I say 'empirical', I mean I like that word.

Morally I'm in the Under 20 items line EVERY TIME. SELF-CHECKOUT.  What's on sale, what's in a bin by the checkout....I'm so impulse driven that we'd all better HOPE that the physical universe has some pretermined path for me to plink around on because otherwise I have my foot on the gas and I'm driving and texting and I am over the speed limit until I crash into a big enough set of particles or flashing bright lights cause me to stop.

Free Will, my Pre-Determined Ass. Not for me. I choose...I mean, I'm pinging with my particles.

Pant

I'm amusing myself at the Expense of Others...but I like to think of it as an INVESTMENT. 

I created 2 fake gmail accts; one for *ndy and one for Scan.  I'm emailing both accts back and forth and BCCing *ndy who, unlike me, only checks his email periodically...

I started off having Fake *ndy send Fake Scan a few emails with a point,

"Hey, it would be cool if we could catch a beer tonight. I have some things I'd like to discuss....data issues, some other stuff..."

Fake Scan replied innocuously,

"Sure.  I don't have a car, so we can either do something close or you can drive."

Fake *ndy: "I have a car. No problem driving.  Let's get away from here....I can ditch Katy and Kim."

reasonable but slightly off...

"I'd like to keep it just the two of us... PS: I really like your pants! Where did you get them?"

Fake Scan: "I don't know, my wife bought them. Do you want her phone number so you can ask her?"

Then I slid straigiht into really creepy.

"Katy is really starting to bug me.  She gets pissy when I give her driving tips.  I'm glad you are writing to me....Your pants really look good... are they slacks?"

"I can hardly wait for our beers tonight... you should wear those pants!" (insert blinking smiley with tongue hanging out side of face).

Now I can hardly wait for *ndy to read his email and freak out. Scan is sitting right in front of him.  The reaction is bound to be priceless.

I'm sure we'll all learn from it.