Baby Talk

There is a woman, a girl, really, here who had a baby a few months ago and is bringing the infant to work.

I don't have a problem with that. I got to bring C*rlos to work for his first 6 months.  It was great.  Except I didn't like people touching or talking stupid to my child.  So...yeah.  It might take a village to raise a child, if you live in a village, but ...I am live where we have indoor plumbing and use food utensils. 

AND I don't really like babies.  I loved my OWN BABIES. COULDN'T put them down.  I loved every stage of their intelligent and amusing little development.  I just don't love babies...or children...in general. They are just the larval stage of HUMANS, and I'm not a huge fan of THAT. 

Today Nicki has her baby in Craig's office and Craig has her propped up on his desk (because ...she can't hold her head up on her own...and it's only 11 am!)  and there are several women crowded in there making nonintelligent cooing noises...and I see all this as I walk by to use the bathroom and Craig calls out to me,

"Hey! K*ty! Don't you want to come in here and see little baby As*ley!?"

I reply, without breaking stride, "No thanks. I have my dogs in the car, do you want to see them?"

I realize immediately, without even hearing the entire gasp string, that this was HUGELY SOCIALLY AND POLITICALLY STENCH-RIDDEN.  I like Nicki.  I'm glad she gets to have her baby with her at work. I have nothing against any of it.  I wish I had...just sort of gone in there and looked for a few minutes, made some throat noises...poked at the pupa's craniul soft spot...complimented Nicki for dressing in clothing that blended with baby vomit ...and left.  Because now I am REALLY getting the COLD VIBE. 

I have to ask Nicki to order me a new laptop.  Craig has to sign the requisition.  I. Am. So. Fucked. 

Comments

[heydave]

Scratch yourself. A lot.
"Not sure what I've got, but, boy, it's making me cranky and you don't want to get too close!"

Without actually lying, you can thus create theater of the mind in their minds, and they can connect the dots.

Oh, and would you take me to work with you sometime? I can summon up lots of cute shit that's sure to please.

[~J]

Just see it as another step closer to being the crazy, outcast dog lady, if you keep collecting BC’s you know it will happen. If I had a kid I would crate-train it and intimidate the hell out of it with a crook. I been known to growl and bare my teeth at coworkers, HR had some questions about that.