What To Do In The Event Of a Gov't Shutdown...

Is that title misleading? It means what *I* should do, not you.  You, my friend, are on your own.  You bought these crazy gerbils we have running around DC.

So you don't get your next social security check on time...or ever... your new assault rifle or bag of explosives permit gets delayed and you have to skulk around with a hammer and some date rape drug for a few weeks...The Grand Canyon is closed for the second time ever! That big ass Canyon - EMPTY! For maybe weeks!

Or...fuck it: Let them AX medicare.  Fine.  I think for every heinous solid gold turd the Repubs shit in the name of legislature, the DEMs need to step up with a rider ..or a youtube video that helps push that turd into the spotlight where it belongs, where it can be poked and taken apart and analyzed. So that people start actually PAYING attention:

No medicare? Fine! If old people get sick, I am not paying for it.  Bottom line.  Nope. My parents are dead and I'm not old or poor enough yet to qualify as a burden. When I am, I hope to be caged like an animal and featured prominantly in Cienna's living room.  Next to the china hutch. Hell, IN the china hutch. I'll eventually die like a hamster as nature intends and when my bloated body is discovered, near the seed dish, or stuck in a plastic tube connecting the liquor cabinet...not being sarcastic any more....I can be buried in the neighbor's yard at night while they sleep, JUST LIKE WE DO WITH OUR PETS. If it's good enough for Lucky Diamond 1 -5, it's good enough for me.

But really: Every bill proposed, every budget cut...should have a mandatory 3 -5 minute youtube video depicting the details. Details that cannot be contained in the video, cannot be in the bill.  It would help if porn stars acted the roles, because that is the preferred medium of the internets...but animals and children are fine too.  And Jesus! Both sides get to submit their interpretation.  But it has to be short and it has to be visual...because that is the only way people are going to pay any attention to what these chittering buffoons are putting together for us to live our increasingly poor lives supporting or otherwise enacting. 

I'm sure the republicans will put a positive spin on the Medican't Bill or The Radical Plan For Medicare/Medicaid, as it's being referenced.  (Which, by the way, speaking of naming legislature: I think the FACTS of each bill should be fed into that Jeopardy Savante Computer...or anyone over 25 who plays 'Magik The Gathering' regularly, and THIS PERSON/PC comes up with the bill's real logical or fanciful title. More fun involvement for the public! Or machines!) 

...but a good video might show Gramma (old porn star. REALLY OLD.  With orthopedic spiked hooker heels in tan pleather and breasts that drape over each shoulder) being dropped off in the parking lot by another really old guy, with a hammer and some date rape drug on the dash.

Gramma shuffles into Denny's for her Senior Discount, where she is CARDED, of course, and checked for suspicious moles...she produces her medicare card which entitles her now to toast and a "stool softener"...by which I mean margarine.   She chokes on the toast and the quick responsive Denny's staff remove the uneaten portion of her meal and fit her with an airtight plastic bag, formerly containing bread, (Wonder! Good time for product placement!) and hold it over her head until her medical needs are fully met.  Her face matches her hair...at which time she is taken out back to the blue medicare recycling bin, the one marked 'Tuesday'...(and Yard Waste).  The remaining toast is placed outside in a bin with a handicapped sticker near the good parking. 

These are just some quick ideas I have today.  I'm sure I'll have more starting friday.

Comments

[Barb]

Clever.

[heydave]

I don't see why any hammers had to be harmed in your vision. You know they wouldn't be treated well, or at least respected enough.

I would also hazard a guess that a really efficient Denny's would find a way to incorporate porn-granny's uneaten bread into someone else's me, thus improving their profit margin.

[heydave]

me? WTF?
I mean "meal" of course.

Calling Dr. Freud!