Tart

Gluten-free is the new Vegan.  I don't want to live in a glutenless world.  AMERICA! Waving fields of GRAIN, not Xanthan Gum...What is that? It sounds like something Tom Cruise would chew in pyramid 'center'-for-new-ways-to-fuck-with-the-word 'science'....  I'm a glutton for gluten.  I roll my meat in it.  I want to invade Glutenastan and raid their wheat fields.  WHO says that we will face a global food shortage but I'm going to live in a meat and gingerbread house.  Guarded by Gluten-free vegans. 

Coupons - fuck you and your greasy handful of coupons that hold up the 15 items or less line, nay - the SELF CHECKOUT 15 items or less line.  COUPONS SHOULD COUNT as ITEMS.  I want to pay you sloe-eyed grocery maggots the 47 cents that you *might* eventually save as soon as the poor checkout assistant gives in and lets you use your expired deduction for BUY ONE GET ONE FREE WHISKER LICKIN'S! ....I hope to sweet dangly jesus that this is some sort of hair removal paste...but the cat head on the label seems cruel.  I hate you and want to hand you the change you are so desperate to save in all pennies, canadian pennies...because you're costing me more in time than you are saving in lickin's of any style.

I am buying poptarts.  Full on frosted wheat cakes. (Colon Kisses! They should get a new label!!)
One box.  I had given them up, moved on.  But I'm back.  I always come back.

Comments

[heydave]

And the first frosted one is free. That's how it all starts.

[Uncle Krackers]

Gluten Lovin you are back!!! I thank hot hot Jesus for you !

[katy]

KRACKERS!! YOU CREEPY UNCLE!! I LOVE YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS HOT HOT HOT HETERO JEBUS DISAPPROVES OF YOU!