"Rosie is a golden retriever therapy dog who specializes in comforting people when they are under stress. Both prosecutors and defense lawyers have described her as adorable, though she has been known to slobber." - NY Times article on Therapy Dog that 'helped' a girl testify at a rape trial.
The article goes on to talk about how Rosie's special talent is nudging a person when they hesitate during testimony, due to stress. She is also trained to do about 80 other commands including, "taking off a person’s socks without biting any toes."
Jesus. It doesn't go into what she does for closing arguments, but...Yegads.
Another service dog, a lab named 'Ellie' 'helped' a man testify against someone accused of stealing from him. Again, the details are ommitted, so I'm picturing the worst. These dogs LOVE balls.
It's good stuff, for sure. I'm all about JUSTICE, whatever lurid direction it needs to take to get there. It's what makes our country great now that we are poor and a credit risk.
I've long thought my dogs should get off their lazy fucking asses and get a job. I have eight of them and I've never even been GROPED. It's only a matter of time before I'm charged with something, though; everyone is always saying so.
I have a 50 pound border collie named 'Pat' who will hump your leg until you are inclined to blame your pants. If that isn't a dog who should be parked in a high end (no pun here) denim shop somewhere trendy, I'm not drunk by noon. Try telling Fancy Pants downtown that, though. I have been THREATENED with a RESTRAINING ORDER by a woman in silly short pants while Pat stood by, meanwhile, ignored, peeing his post-coital pee all over the YES WE'RE OPEN! sign.
No offense, but fuck rape victims (pun not intended), what about the rest of the criminal justice system?
What about the criminals? I think maybe therapy cats for white collar crime. Something that digs its claws in while you evade questions. Reminds you to shut the fuck up.
For the darker stuff there is nothing that offers solidarity to a monster criminal like something that eats it's young. Why not a new hamster mom?
Adorable! Yet heinous!
These days a jury of peers should include sheep. I mean real ones. And a border collie bailliff. I have 4.
Wonder if the dog bills $300/hour.
Posted by: Phil | August 10, 2011 at 03:23 PM
A nice German shepherd, staring at Bernie Madoff's balls, would have gotten that little prick to say a fuck of a lot more, I'm sure.
And any random lawyer biting (by which I mean the biting thereof, not the enduring of their witticism/narcissism) would be gravy.
Posted by: heydave | August 11, 2011 at 08:41 AM