I told my boss that I've decided I want to be a web programmer. I saw a movie clip of one the other day. It was 30 seconds of the life I might want to live between coffee breaks.
My boss believes in me. She has known me as an employee for over 15 years. She has known me through the days when I would work all day and all night making beautiful and informative maps for public meetings, nights after night during a fire bust....writing complicated code to perform sophisticated data analysis and then presenting the results in easy to read tabular format, plus summaries. Beautiful subtle fonts. I love a perfect font.
I taught myself to program in various languages. Most of which I've forgotten or technology has.
Ten long years as a Theorist has twisted my wickets. I'm not really so productive as reductive.
Now I am the person who sits in meetings and invents new phrases, or twists excepted jargon just to see people squirm,
"I think we should put it all on the World Wide Wondernoodle!"
"What?"
"You now, the W times 3 dot thing that Alexander Graham Gore invented. We should not waste our ideas TALKING ABOUT THEM! Let's throw them to the googler! WIKI the SHIT out of them..."
"Jesus."
"Ignore her."
SHUN HER!
They even turn their chairs slightly away from me. It's a study in body language. So archaic. We don't need bodys! FROWNY FACE!!!
My job now, as I see it, is to be ignored or avoided. I'm getting tired of this. I need to be VITAL again.
"I want to be Charolette to our Web...I am ready to pull stuff out of my glands...construct something strong and responsive in which to house our data eggs and trap opinions, suck the juice out of each headless idea and grow bigger in the name of government service! AND YET SMALLER IN THE NAME OF GOVERNMENT SURPLUS. We will RECYCLE IDEAS! We'll bring back the GENERAL LAND OFFICE for the INTERIORNETS and HOMESTEADING! WEBSTEADING!!!"
"Yes. Well, maybe. I'm not opposed to redefining your job duties."
I just need a theme song. Thirty seconds worth of action.
Make brownies and your coworkers will notice you again.
Special brownies and they'll love you!
Posted by: heydave | October 03, 2011 at 08:53 AM
World Wide Wedgie?
Widget?
Wookie?
Wonkette?
Posted by: heydave | October 05, 2011 at 03:05 PM